Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Untitled

I feel like there is something that I'm suppose to be doing or remembering. I feel like something has gone wrong but I can't identify what exactly. Actually, I feel like a huge lightening bolt sized glass spear has javelined me through but missed vital organs leaving me scewered yet spared. Something is wrong. I hate this feeling. I've had it before many times. When I perform any self-examination, I can't find any offending moral issues or falsehoods that I may be supporting. I don't think I manufacture this feeling consciously but who knows. As a matter of fact, things seem to be on the upswing. Work has picked up to an almost overwhelming pace, I am very close to getting my driver's license back from my past transgressions, an unresolved financial issue that has been dragging on is 2 days from resolve, and summer is finally here. All these very positive and solidifying events are churning, but I feel unable to put things into perspective. I'm happy enough these days but I can't escape this feeling of dread. It's very frustrating writing this because it doesn't really make much sense. I sound like a brat. If something is wrong, I want to identify and fix it. I don't need my feelings going off and deciding for themselves what is and is not without my knowledge or involvement. My only consolation at this point is that by Friday, one major milestone will be behind me; the mere conclusion being more vital than the outcome. I'm hoping that maybe some relief will follow. This is by far the most frustrating, un-liberating, un-relieving entry that I've made in this blog. Maybe that's why I took so long to write. It all sounds like such shit. I have nothing to offer myself for comfort. That made me laugh. I sound truly crazy. I feel truly crazy. There's really nothing else to say.

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