I am...

     I feel like a house of cards today. It's a beautiful, hot, sunny day outside and I have allowed someone to put the wrong card in the wrong spot and collapse me. It's exactly like that. One unsavory, yet not surprising interaction with a "friend" and I could not recover. I seriously tried to put this in perspective and move on but before in knew it, the whole structure was slowly coming down. Now my resolve and all the strides that I tell myself I've made are one big pile of 52 card pick-up. In times like these I feel like my life is one big lie. Time goes by just fine with financial struggle, self-esteem conflict, responsibility juggling, just life in general; and then I somehow find my way back to this state of mind which tells me that nothing is ok. So that puts me in two different realities; the one where I convince myself that everything is or will be ok and this one. I try to trust in the things will be alright campaign but too often it is this present reality that I return to. So which one is real? I'm sure there's balance to be found here somewhere but I have yet to find it. I am tired. I am disgusted. I am discouraged. I am lonely. I am hurt. I am pissed. And that was just my day. Now, to rebuild.