It's official. I'm depressed. I got back from a little vacation in Florida (where it rained the whole time) and now I find myself in a hole. I don't know exactly what to blame but there are many suspects. Besides the weather itself which I refuse to complain about, it seems like everything in my life all the sudden is ugly. One of my friendships is going sour. Another one might be going West and one "friendship" that has been long dead has risen to try to poison my hard earned contentment, for lack of a better word. I've also been a little under the weather but that's a chicken and egg scenario. I think it was the depression that caused that. I was doing my best to ignore all this for days but now I have to get it out, put it down and deal with it accordingly I guess. I don't like feeling this way like I used to. This used to be "my way", how I was comfortable feeling, but now it's just pollution. I don't even get fully awake until I get smogged in. For the rest of the day I have that perpetual morning feeling and not only that, I look like I just woke up all through the day. I look like and feel like that now; I'm so pissed. I like happy and friendly and love and good. Now, through some random circumstances I have to go backward and deal with angry and grouchy and venom and bad. I guess maybe I'm being sort of a baby about this because the truth is, I have to go backward and fight for myself. I've gotten spoiled by the fact that lately everything has been relatively easy to deal with/get through. Now I'm being challenged and inconvenienced and all hell is breaking loose. Maybe I'm being too dramatic. I need some localized perspective I guess. The friendship that is going sour never actually got to the point of sweet as hard as it tried. I should be happy for the one who might be going West because he is happy. As for the zombie one, I just have to deal with that one as best I can. I'm an expert with monsters and dead things so it should be no problem. Now I just need to stop feeling and looking like crap. I just sat here for a few minutes thinking about that statement and realized that it's going to be harder than just typing it into a machine. I feel sick and ugly and polluted. Plus I think my cat is mad at me still from my vacation. I'm trying to end on a positive note but I am struggling. Maybe right now it's the best I can do. Try.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Smog Alert
It's official. I'm depressed. I got back from a little vacation in Florida (where it rained the whole time) and now I find myself in a hole. I don't know exactly what to blame but there are many suspects. Besides the weather itself which I refuse to complain about, it seems like everything in my life all the sudden is ugly. One of my friendships is going sour. Another one might be going West and one "friendship" that has been long dead has risen to try to poison my hard earned contentment, for lack of a better word. I've also been a little under the weather but that's a chicken and egg scenario. I think it was the depression that caused that. I was doing my best to ignore all this for days but now I have to get it out, put it down and deal with it accordingly I guess. I don't like feeling this way like I used to. This used to be "my way", how I was comfortable feeling, but now it's just pollution. I don't even get fully awake until I get smogged in. For the rest of the day I have that perpetual morning feeling and not only that, I look like I just woke up all through the day. I look like and feel like that now; I'm so pissed. I like happy and friendly and love and good. Now, through some random circumstances I have to go backward and deal with angry and grouchy and venom and bad. I guess maybe I'm being sort of a baby about this because the truth is, I have to go backward and fight for myself. I've gotten spoiled by the fact that lately everything has been relatively easy to deal with/get through. Now I'm being challenged and inconvenienced and all hell is breaking loose. Maybe I'm being too dramatic. I need some localized perspective I guess. The friendship that is going sour never actually got to the point of sweet as hard as it tried. I should be happy for the one who might be going West because he is happy. As for the zombie one, I just have to deal with that one as best I can. I'm an expert with monsters and dead things so it should be no problem. Now I just need to stop feeling and looking like crap. I just sat here for a few minutes thinking about that statement and realized that it's going to be harder than just typing it into a machine. I feel sick and ugly and polluted. Plus I think my cat is mad at me still from my vacation. I'm trying to end on a positive note but I am struggling. Maybe right now it's the best I can do. Try.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment