Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

       This morning I found out that Lux Interior had died. I'm not all torn up about it per se but it is a bit unsettling every time one of our punk rock icons bites the dust. The article said he was 62 which isn't that old but still. Isn't Madonna 62? I don't know. All I know is it seems more natural for punk rockers to off themselves rather than dying of a heart condition as twisted as that sounds. So goodbye Lux. You at least appeared to have fun while you were here. 

      It's early February and that can mean only one thing. Well, I guess it can mean alot of things like "fuck, it's cold!" or "tax time again?". But besides all that, everywhere I look there is red and hearts and fat babies with weapons. Now, I know that Valentine's Day is a made up holiday just like mother's day and all that, but it is a little difficult to remove one's self from the candy buying frenzy that is taking place. For some reason, in the past I have allowed myself to be sucked in to the hype and have successfully convinced myself that because I don't have a partner, I am inadequate. The same sort of thing happens on mother's day because I no longer have a mother. This year I want to break that habit and I do believe it is a habit. To think it has taken me this long to realize that I don't have to feel ashamed because I have no "partner" or "significant other" or "wife" even. As a matter of fact, I wonder if I didn't secretly look forward to Valentine's Day so I could feel like crap. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not somewhat addicted to feeling like crap. When I think of what it feels like to be sad and feel lonely, I get this image of a warm, dark, cosy place that to me actually sounds appealing. In fact, it's a place I've been hanging out in most of my life. So this year I am going to pull my single self out of my nice warm cave and be proud of the fact that I have to answer to no one. I can be spontaneous and go anywhere I want to anytime I want to without checking with _________. I will also try not to look at actual couples with contempt or pity according to my mood. This Valentine's Day I will celebrate my single-dom. It doesn't hurt that my cat's birthday is on Feb. 14th so that's what I really plan to celebrate.