Daily delimma

     I haven't been in a serious emotional relationship in a few years. Surprisingly, I find it embarrassing to admit how many years it has been. In fact, I didn't realize how many until I sat here just now to try to count. To be brutally honest, I haven't been in a serious emotional relationship in about 8 years. That line took alot of minutes to write and included fighting back a few tears. But that is not suppose to be the focus of this entry. All of it just took me by surprise. Most of my friends are in relationships, from the newly anointed serial monogamist to the legally married. I regularly am privy to the workings of these various relationships and their ups, downs, triumphs and tragedies. Oftentimes I secretly analyze the inner workings of these accords as they would pertain to my own imaginary relationship and I find that there are many common threads I reject, at least from the outside looking in. I find the lack of independence to be discomforting from a single person's perspective. For instance, one of my best friends asks that his partner not go out to bars while he is away pursuing advancement in his passion for art. That makes my head spin a little because on one hand there exists independence, for he is off doing his thing. On the other hand there is restriction. From my point of view, this is a red flag. However, I'm loathe to trust my point of view because of my status. Can a person who is not in a relationship get a true picture of what is good or bad for themselves by viewing other relationships? Does being in a relationship cloud the perspective to the point of blocking out simple incongruities such as independence and restriction working hand in hand? Would I behave differently if I were actually involved with someone? I don't know if I am any closer to answering any of my questions because every question produces more questions. When I stand back and consider this entire entry, it is all irrelevant anyway. It is just my daily observations that I try to apply to my life and at the moment, they simply do not apply. By putting the relationships that surround me under a microscope, am I helping to bring myself closer to, or further away from my own potential connection? God, I'm beginning to sound like Carrie Bradshaw. Maybe it was a mistake to open this can of worms but these are the questions I ask myself. Dare I say to be continued? Absolutely! I can't stop myself.